DOUBLE JEOPARDY

It takes quite a bit of paperwork to extradite a criminal from the afterlife. Because she died without a federal grave license, however, officials were able to arrange for serial bank robber Daisy Cormorant’s arrest after a single round of negotiations with the gods. She had purchased a luxury condo in the underworld using an assumed name, and had also drastically altered her appearance by tanning in the light of the planet’s core; regardless, a combination of dental records and tax audits led to her capture.

She was placed on trial within three days and promptly sentenced to death. This time, they issued her an official license, watermarked with the outline of her skull to prevent counterfeiting. Then they led her out in front of the firing squad with two silver coins strapped under her blindfold, took aim, and fired.

She woke up the next morning on a bed of raven feathers hundreds of miles below, wondering just what exactly her executioners had achieved. The core was shining outside her window with golden fire, illuminating the grid of quartzite streets below. After coughing up a handful of bullets in the shower, she felt as good as new, and made herself a breakfast of pancakes with pomegranate syrup.

THE INTERNET OF FLOWERS

CEILING FANS