DEEP KITCHEN DEFENSE #1

The discerning chef of the deep kitchen carries a revolver on their person at all times. There’s no telling what might emerge from the Black Oven if its door has been left open for too long, but for those who thrive in such a high-stakes environment, the recipes for gourmet bullets are just as familiar as formulas for cocktails are to bartenders. Hundreds of variants have been developed, and several of the most coveted are detailed herein.

PERSEPHONE’S KISS: The best choice when dealing with the living dead or lost on the wrong side of the underworld. This finely-crafted bullet is centered by a single pomegranate seed that has been rolled in Himalayan rock salt, charcoal wine, and venus flytrap nectar. Each bullet has the capacity to sprout in pulseless bodies on impact, gripping their bones with its aggressive roots. The complete mixture is encased within a cartridge of iron-walnut alloy.

THE ANCIENT DESPERADO: Squid ink salsa that has been blended with shavings of lemurian glass pepper and several unstable habanero isotopes form the foundation of this decadent projectile, which arrives at its target by the mere thought of drawing your firearm. Each round is tipped with a hell cactus spine that has been infused with a fast-acting blend of hemlock and lightning.

JUST DESSERTS: The vegan option. A single gunpowder jellybean wrapped in antimint leaves, resting on a bed of yellow cake uranium and jellied dynamite. This bullet is always nonlethal unless a previous round has been used, and always lethal if it is the second. The tip is the most difficult ingredient to procure: one tooth from a black pear. Each fruit has at least twelve fangs available- that is, if you’re lucky enough to survive picking one.

A TERRIBLE RUDENESS: Sea urchin spines that have been painted with lionfish venom and wasabi crema, then wrapped in a full coral jacket. The remaining space in each cartridge is filled with highly-pressurized whale oil and a single droplet of mermaid blood. These bullets cut through water as easily as air, and experience no resistance when passing through waves and hulls alike.

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THE PINE JUNGLE