A CHEAP DINER IN WEST TEXAS

STARTERS

$7.99 BEER-BATTERED INSECT MEDLEY - A mixture of hornets, fireflies, and grasshoppers, deep-fried in our signature pilsner batter, then glazed with charcoal salsa. Don’t forget to spit out the stingers.

$4.99 WEST TEXAS POPCORN - Cooked over an open flame the old-fashioned way, then tossed in thistle butter, dusted with rock salt, and finished with a drizzle of cactus blood.

$9.99 HUMMINGBIRD SKEWERS - Grilled whole on shish kebabs with peach slices, brussel sprouts, and artichoke hearts. Painted with a glaze of local petroleum, served burning.

 

ALL-DAY BREAKFAST

$8.99 BISCUITS AND GRAVY - Southern style white gravy mixed with black gunpowder, jackalope sausage, and a dash of bourbon, then poured over our homemade buttermilk biscuits.

$4.99 LONE STAR PANCAKES - Blue cornmeal pancakes painted with tobasco butter, smothered in crabapple jam, then drowned in maple-brandy syrup. The devil’s own recipe.

$7.99 ROSEBUSH HASH - Sweet potato hashbrowns, chopped rosebush (thorn-in), wild rice, slow-cooked catoblepas brisket, and a dash of rock salt. Served with a slice of Texas toast.

$9.99 STEAK AND EGGS - Exactly what it says.

$8.99 THE SEVEN SHOOTER - Two of our Lone Star pancakes, two fried buzzard eggs, sweet potato hashbrowns, your choice of bacon or sausage, and a shot of charcoal liqueur.

 

OUR WORLD FAMOUS BURGERS

Each burger comes with your choice of house fries, sweet potato hashbrowns, or our signature poison ivy coleslaw.

$6.99 THE LONE RANGER - Free-range buffalo burger with wild boar bacon, pepper jack, tomato jam, rattlesnake venom vinaigrette, and a blend of local mosses.

$7.99 THE COTTONTAIL - Longhorn beef topped with swiss cheese, beer-battered tumbleweed, morel mayo, and a pair of jellied jackalope eyes.

$6.99 THE MOUNTAIN MAN - Venison burger loaded up with crispy hawk feathers, slow-cooked briar bush, lightly-fried dandelion heads, and a pine sap aioli. 

$8.99 THE SHORE LUNCH - Largemouth bass “burger,” beer-battered and piled high with fried potatoes, baked beans, sweet corn, and freshwater leeches.

 

DESSERT

$4.99 APPLE PIE - Just like grandma used to make, but with an extra jalapeño kick. Served with a healthy dollop of diesel-flavored frozen custard.

$3.99 BANANA SPLIT - Filled with three scoops of ice cream, then topped with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and a cherry. Served on a bed of possum chitterlings.

MATRYOSHKA SYNDROME

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